For most students in India, clearing the IIT entrance exam, finishing a marathon, winning a national gold medal, or securing a fat pay package are milestones that define their success. For Pallav Kulhari, however, these victories came and went without fanfare and that, he says, was his biggest blessing.
In a deeply personal reflection shared recently, Pallav Kulhari, an IIT Kanpur alumnus and Revenue Growth Consultant in the B2C space, recounted how his father never congratulated him on any of his achievements. Not when he cracked the fiercely competitive IIT entrance, nor when he ran a marathon or even when he earned a national-level gold medal.
Pallav Kulhari and His Father
His father never inquired about his Class 12 marks or his compensation package. Over time, Kulhari even stopped telling him about such milestones.
But he insists, this is no tale of neglect or disappointment, rather, it’s a story of quiet, intentional parenting that liberated him from the pressure of societal yardsticks.
“His not applauding my success was intentional. He didn’t want me to tie my self-worth to external achievements. And it worked really well,” Kulhari said in his note.
He now sees this silence not as indifference, but as a gift, a way of teaching him that his value as a person isn’t determined by medals, titles, or bank balances.
This upbringing, he explained, shaped his outlook profoundly. Unlike many of his peers who chase big paychecks, flashy lifestyles, and high-status titles, he says he’s content walking his own path.
“My sense of reward got unhooked from societal trophies. I don’t chase glory. And how wonderful is that,” he wrote.
Kulhari attributes his dad’s unassuming resistance to the norms of the world for giving him what he terms as a special kind of freedom, freedom from constant seeking of validation, freedom to discover meaning beyond trophies and applause.
His story resonates in a culture where parental pride often hinges on visible success and children are conditioned to seek external approval. Psychologists and career counselors often warn of the long-term stress and self-esteem issues that can arise when self-worth is tied to accomplishments.
By sharing his experience, Kulhari highlights an alternative, a more internal, resilient sense of identity that many strive for but seldom achieve.
“I am free of so many worldly battles because my self-worth isn’t built on any of them. This freedom is a gift from my father, who never measured success by society’s yardstick,” he concluded.
In a world of LinkedIn status, Instagram wins, and constant professional competition, his message resonated, reminding us that oftentimes, the greatest love is in loud silence and that the best applause is the one you hear yourself give.
