At 29, making over ₹35 lakh a year and working in Gurgaon’s bustling corporate ecosystem and urban lifestyle, he checks all the boxes of “eligible bachelor.” He lives in a spacious family home, enjoys his mother’s cooking, saves aggressively thanks to zero rent and no domestic chores, and channels all his energy into his career.
It’s a lifestyle increasingly common among young, single, urban Indian men and, to them, it seems efficient. But as Ayushmaan Kapoor, founder of the relationship coaching platform The Date Crew, points out in his now-viral post, this arrangement might be perfect for their careers but not for the kind of partners they claim to seek.
“Many of these men say they want an ambitious, independent woman, someone opinionated, bold, inspiring,” Kapoor wrote on LinkedIn last week. “But then they expect her to move into their parents’ home and adjust into their life. Why change what’s already working, right?”
Kapoor’s post, which has since sparked thousands of comments and debates, highlights a quiet contradiction in the urban Indian dating scene. The young man wants to marry someone who has built her own career and identity. But he still lives in his parents’ home, not just physically, but emotionally and domestically too and assumes she will fit into the life he already has.
For the women these men are courting, however, the idea of simply slotting into someone else’s pre-existing setup feels limiting. “She’s already imagined building a life together, not adjusting into someone else’s,” Kapoor writes.
As sociologist Radhika Sharma sees it, the problem is not so much whether a woman wants to live with in-laws but whether she gets a choice in constructing the shared life she dreams of. “Women in metros like Gurgaon are independent financially, socially confident, and highly committed to shaping their own spaces. They don’t want to inherit life, they want to build one.”
Kapoor’s counsel to young men? Get real about what independence looks like, beyond a paycheck. “Are you ready to be independent too? Not only financially, but emotionally, at home, and relationally?” he asks.
As more Indian men and women dance this tender waltz of love and ambition in an increasingly modernizing world, Kapoor’s quote is a soft but sturdy reminder: You attract what you are.
Ultimately, it isn’t about selecting drapes or cranking up the AC. It’s about deciding to grow side by side on common ground.
